Finally found it....
I posted this the day I quit a real crappy job in New Hampshire.
Thought you all might get a laugh out of it.
_________________________________________________________
*** ATTENTION ***
THE FOLLOWING POSITION IS NOW AVAILABLE
APPLICATION ENGINEER / AUTOMATION CONTROLS SUPERVISOR
JOB SUMMARY:
There isnât as much to this job as you might think. Most of the real programming work is completed by outside contractors. All youâll be required to do is fix the out sourced projects after they come in. Get chewed out for them being behind schedule, and take the blame for it being done wrong in the first place.
JOB QUALIFICATIONS:
The successful candidate for this position must be able to perform their job function under extremely adverse conditions and maintain a positive mental attitude with absolutely no support from management. This position calls for a highly motivated type of individual, who requires little or no supervision, since any type of responsible leadership is in critically short supply here. It would also help greatly if the applicant were extremely gullible and prone to believing in such mythical entities as the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and company profit sharing.
TECHNICAL SKILLS REQUIRED:
A demonstrated capability to perform highly complex tasks without the proper tools and very little training is a definite plus. Prior work experience serving in the Military or other such positions within the Federal Government would be preferred, since such a position usually involves working for someone that knows less about your job than you do.
DUTIES REQUIRED:
Include (but are not limited to): accepting endless telephone calls regardless of time, personal or family commitments. Serving on various focus teams just for the sake of appearances. Soothsayer, to discern whose story is closest to what actually happened. Baby-sitting your subordinates during month spanning pouting streaks. And total compliance with all company policies and procedures, no matter how inflexible and inconsistent they may be.
APPLICATION PROCEDURE:
The above position is open to all regular, subcontract and temporary employees. Interested employees should submit a signed statement only from a company approved physician certifying that they are of sound mind and have not been coerced into applying through the use of hypnotism or mind-altering chemical substances.
This certainly isnât the job for everyone. Any type of career advancement for a job well done can not be expected. But if youâre the kind of person that sets high goals and enjoys achieving them, go ahead and apply anyway; we still might be able to use you.
I posted this the day I quit a real crappy job in New Hampshire.
Thought you all might get a laugh out of it.
_________________________________________________________
*** ATTENTION ***
THE FOLLOWING POSITION IS NOW AVAILABLE
APPLICATION ENGINEER / AUTOMATION CONTROLS SUPERVISOR
JOB SUMMARY:
There isnât as much to this job as you might think. Most of the real programming work is completed by outside contractors. All youâll be required to do is fix the out sourced projects after they come in. Get chewed out for them being behind schedule, and take the blame for it being done wrong in the first place.
JOB QUALIFICATIONS:
The successful candidate for this position must be able to perform their job function under extremely adverse conditions and maintain a positive mental attitude with absolutely no support from management. This position calls for a highly motivated type of individual, who requires little or no supervision, since any type of responsible leadership is in critically short supply here. It would also help greatly if the applicant were extremely gullible and prone to believing in such mythical entities as the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and company profit sharing.
TECHNICAL SKILLS REQUIRED:
A demonstrated capability to perform highly complex tasks without the proper tools and very little training is a definite plus. Prior work experience serving in the Military or other such positions within the Federal Government would be preferred, since such a position usually involves working for someone that knows less about your job than you do.
DUTIES REQUIRED:
Include (but are not limited to): accepting endless telephone calls regardless of time, personal or family commitments. Serving on various focus teams just for the sake of appearances. Soothsayer, to discern whose story is closest to what actually happened. Baby-sitting your subordinates during month spanning pouting streaks. And total compliance with all company policies and procedures, no matter how inflexible and inconsistent they may be.
APPLICATION PROCEDURE:
The above position is open to all regular, subcontract and temporary employees. Interested employees should submit a signed statement only from a company approved physician certifying that they are of sound mind and have not been coerced into applying through the use of hypnotism or mind-altering chemical substances.
This certainly isnât the job for everyone. Any type of career advancement for a job well done can not be expected. But if youâre the kind of person that sets high goals and enjoys achieving them, go ahead and apply anyway; we still might be able to use you.