All of my frustration with Washington stems from the Lobbyist who continue to mess up this country.
To take out some of that frustration, I thought it might be fun to come up with our favorite lobbyist jokes. I'm revamping some lawyer jokes, but it's amazing how well they fit. I'm sure you guys can come up with something as well.
"There is no shortage of lobbyist in Washington, DC. In fact, there may be more lobbyists than people."
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and honest lobbyist, and an old drunk were walking along when they simultaneously spotted a hundred-dollar bill laying in the street. Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lobbyists?
A: Skeet.
Q: What do you call a Senator that gets a promotion?
A: A Lobbyist (heh, I made this one up myself)
Q: Whatâs the difference between a lobbyist and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.
Q: How does a Lobbyist sleep?
A: First he lies on one side and then he lies out the other.
Q: Whatâs the difference between a shame and a pity?
A: If a busload of Lobbyists goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, thatâs known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, thatâs a shame.
If a Lobbyist and an a Lawyer were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says, "I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than I am. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."
"Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"
"Lobbyist, same as you," replies the small alligator.
"Hmm. Well, where do you catch 'em?"
"Over by the Capital at the edge of the Potomac"
"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"
"Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the crap out of 'em, and eat 'em!"
"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a lobbyist, there's nothing left but his ass and a briefcase..."
A minister and a Lobbyist arrived at the pearly gates, Saint Peter greeted both of them and gave them their room assignments.
"Pastor, here are the keys to one of our nicest efficiency units. And for you, sir, the keys to our finest penthouse suite."
"This is unfair!" cried the minister.
"Listen," Saint Peter said, "ministers are a dime a dozen up here, but this is the first Lobbyist we've ever seen."
To take out some of that frustration, I thought it might be fun to come up with our favorite lobbyist jokes. I'm revamping some lawyer jokes, but it's amazing how well they fit. I'm sure you guys can come up with something as well.
"There is no shortage of lobbyist in Washington, DC. In fact, there may be more lobbyists than people."
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and honest lobbyist, and an old drunk were walking along when they simultaneously spotted a hundred-dollar bill laying in the street. Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lobbyists?
A: Skeet.
Q: What do you call a Senator that gets a promotion?
A: A Lobbyist (heh, I made this one up myself)
Q: Whatâs the difference between a lobbyist and an onion?
A: You cry when you cut up an onion.
Q: How does a Lobbyist sleep?
A: First he lies on one side and then he lies out the other.
Q: Whatâs the difference between a shame and a pity?
A: If a busload of Lobbyists goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, thatâs known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, thatâs a shame.
If a Lobbyist and an a Lawyer were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says, "I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than I am. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."
"Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"
"Lobbyist, same as you," replies the small alligator.
"Hmm. Well, where do you catch 'em?"
"Over by the Capital at the edge of the Potomac"
"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"
"Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the crap out of 'em, and eat 'em!"
"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a lobbyist, there's nothing left but his ass and a briefcase..."
A minister and a Lobbyist arrived at the pearly gates, Saint Peter greeted both of them and gave them their room assignments.
"Pastor, here are the keys to one of our nicest efficiency units. And for you, sir, the keys to our finest penthouse suite."
"This is unfair!" cried the minister.
"Listen," Saint Peter said, "ministers are a dime a dozen up here, but this is the first Lobbyist we've ever seen."