In unrelated news, I'm contemplating a sig with this image:
Something about the classic "Nighthawks" image juxtaposed with a pissed-off anteater throwing cheap plastic lawn furniture just tickles me to death. I want a framed print of this!
I don't know whats funnier, the fact that is happening in the background or the fact that it's reflected under the dock perfectly...... Bravo!
And Doc, the headline took me a few reads to get. In fact, I read the whole story going WTF, then reread the headlines a few more times and I had an ah hah moment..... Nice....!
That is a funnay video, I saw it a couple weeks back. Reminds me when I was in High School we had the typical biology name the anatomy quiz. On this particular we had a drawing of the womans genital region and needed to label various parts. When our teacher handed back the quiz he said something to the effect... "Girls, you might consider not dating the majority of guys in this class who mislabeled the anus and the vaginal entrance."
I know I may as well not even say this but I swear I actually did get it right. Who knows that teacher was a liar and certainly was a cock block at times.
Bubbaspanky wrote:I know I may as well not even say this but I swear I actually did get it right. Who knows that teacher was a liar and certainly was a cock block at times.
As for the tea bagger article, I have seen the left get offended over MUCH less!!!!!! ============================================
Oh man I loved wacky packages as a kid. I would buy MAD mag all the time, not just for those but I was into that and Crazy big time. I loved all the stickers and fold ums etc... 🙂
Yeah I will get right on it. I need the Saudis to start paying me for my service of a boot to the ass, they haven't been using it, so they should pay for it.
I had a nice little post about Global warming etc..., figured it was not the right place for it so here, have a joke instead. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- How I learned to mind my own business
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, And all the patients were shouting, '13....13....13.'
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a Little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see What was going on.....
Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick!
Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'...
Random Internet Dude: HOW DOES THE CAPS LOCK WORK? Me: Press it once to make every letter caps, press it again to turn it back to normal. Random Internet Dude: THANKS NOW I DON'T HAVE TO HOLD THE SHIFT KEY ALL THE TIME. Me:
HAHA I remember that Verizon math one. I am no mathematician but how hard is it to understand the usage times cents = cents owed, NOT dollars. I mean just leave dollars out of it all together, how hard is that??? I am not smarter than a fifth grader! --- Verizon. 🙂
No excuse for this from a company.
He should feel lucky they did not charge him 7178.6 dollars forgetting to convert the .2 cents per kilobyte usage back to dollars 🙂
My 21 year old daughter: A politician is someone who does worse things with in the law than most crooks do outside it. All the while thinking he's a good man for helping people.
Duck wrote:My 8 year old Niece: What's a politician?
My 21 year old daughter: A politician is someone who does worse things with in the law than most crooks do outside it. All the while thinking he's a good man for helping people.
I died.
You work for so many years to raise 'em up right. . .(wipes tear away). . . to see your effort bear such fruit brings a tear to a brother's eye. (sniff!) Good jorb, Duck!
I found these on NC forums. I thought they were funny so here they are. 🙂 ======================================================= "22 Things about the Bible that drive progressives crazy" Written by: Doug Powers,
1. Moses parted the Red Sea without first performing an environmental impact study.
2. Jesus gave a Sermon on the Mount where he talked of giving to the poor, and spoke out against greed, and all without charging attendees $300 per ticket. (Barbra Streisand only).
3. The term "The Three Wise Men" is insensitive to the intellectually challenged. That should be changed to the "Trio of educationally advantaged amateur astronomers."
4. Instead of gold, frankincense and myrrh, they should have brought hummus, incense and a representative from Child Protective Services.
5. The Virgin Mary didn't first meet with consultants from Planned Parenthood.
6. Ten plagues and still not a single person thought of nationalizing health care?
7. Adam didn't ask Eve for verbal as well as written consent before touching her.
8. Of course Cain killed Abel. He was obviously suffering either from bipolar disorder, low blood sugar, emotional abuse as a child, or societal neglect.
9. "The trials of Job" were nothing. Try getting a job with nothing but a masters degree in Norwegian Art History â that's a test!
10. Too bad Greenpeace didn't have their own ark so they could have rammed Noah's Ark. You just know that, after the flood, Noah sold those animals to the circus.
11. The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah could have easily been prevented if they would have passed hate-crime legislation sooner.
12. Jesus is one of the greatest teachers in history, but isn't a member of the National Education Association. In other words, God uses scab labor.
13. David slew Goliath simply because he was unfortunate enough to have been stricken with gigantism.
14. "The Last Supper" didn't offer an option for people on gluten-free diets, and the fat content on the food was not labeled.
15. The part about Jonah and the whale becoming entangled in tuna nets is conveniently passed over in the Old Testament.
16. God should have spent the seventh day not resting, but rather going around putting warning stickers on all potentially dangerous, really pointy things.
17. What's the big deal about Nebuchadnezzar spending seven years ingesting grass? Heck, Woody Harrelson's done it longer than that.
18. The Bible mentions nothing about obtaining the necessary permits to build the Tower of Babel.
19. People lived to be hundreds of years old without prescription-drug coverage? I don't think so.
20. Jesus turned water into wine, which was not very mindful of those who happened to be teetering on the brink of plunging down the stairs of their 12-step program.
21. Of all the wealth possessed by King Solomon, the amount he donated to environmental causes: $0.
And the thing about the Bible that drives the left the most crazy? People can find salvation without their assistance.
"Guidelines for Americans traveling to France" Author Unknown
General overview: France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the continent of Europe. It is an important member of the world community, though not nearly as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular consequence and with not very good shopping. France is a very old country with many treasures, such as the Louvre and EuroDisney. Among its contributions to western civilization are champagne, Camembert cheese and the guillotine.Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible to get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for American visitors is that the people willfully persist in speaking French, though many will speak English if shouted at. As in any foreign country, watch your change at all times.
The People: France has a population of 54 million people, most of whom drink and smoke a great deal, drive like lunatics, are dangerously oversexed, and have no concept of standing patiently in line. The French people are in general gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof, and undisciplined; and those are their good points. Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, though you would hardly guess it from their behavior. Many people are communists, and topless sunbathing is common. Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie, and they kiss each other when they hand out medals. American travelers are advised to travel in groups and to wear baseball caps and colorful trousers for easier mutual recognition.
Safety: In general, France is a safe destination, though travelers are advised that, from time to time, it is invaded by Germany. By tradition, the French surrender more or less at once and, apart from a temporary shortage of bourbon and increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market prices, life for the visitor generally goes on much as before. A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English Channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for the Government to flee to London.
History: France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark Ages. Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an airport.
Government: The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Elections are held more or less continuously, and always result in a run-off. For administrative purposes, the country is divided into regions, departments, districts' municipalities, cantons, communes, villages, cafes, booths and floor tiles. Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and Lower (though, confusingly, they are both on the ground floor), whose members are either Gaullists or communists, neither of whom is to be trusted, frankly. Parliament's principal preoccupations are setting off atomic bombs in the South Pacific, and acting indignant when anyone complains. According to the most current State Department intelligence, the President now is someone named Nicolas, strangely. Further information is not available at this time.
Culture: The French pride themselves on their culture, though it is not easy to see why. All their songs sound the same, and they have hardly ever made a movie that you would want to watch for anything but the nude scenes. And nothing, of course, is more boring than a French novel.
Cuisine: Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants, on the other hand, are excellent, though it is impossible for most anyone but the French to pronounce this word. In general, travelers are advised to stick to cheeseburgers at leading hotels such as Sheraton, Holiday Inn and Hilton.
Economy: France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's in Europe, which is surprising because people hardly work at all. If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with their semis and tractors. France's principal exports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne, high-caliber weaponry, grenade launchers, landmines, tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous armaments, punchlines for comics and cheese.
Public holidays: France has more holidays than any other nation in the world. Among its 361 national holidays are 197 saints' days, 37 National Liberation Days, 16 Declaration of Republic Days, 54 Return of Charles de Gaulle in Triumph as if he Won the War Single-Handed Days, 18 Napoleon Sent into Exile Days, 17 Napoleon Called Back from Exile Days, and 112 France is Great and the Rest of the World is Crap Days. Other important holidays are National Nuclear Bomb Day (January 12), the Feast of St Brigitte Bardot Day (March 1), and National Guillotine Day (November 12).
Conclusion: France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape, and a temperate climate. In short, it would be a very nice country if it weren't inhabited by French people. The best thing that can be said for it is that it is not Somalia. A word of warning: The consular services of the United States government are intended solely for the promotion of the interests of American businesses such as McDonald's, Pizza Hut and the Coca-Cola Corporation. In the event that you are the victim of a crime or serious injury involving at least the loss of a limb, report to the American Embassy between the hours of 5.l5 am and 5.20 am on a Tuesday or Wednesday, and a consular official who is supremely indifferent to your plight will give you a list of qualified dentists or something similarly useless.
Yahhh I love bashing the french. Here's a review I wrote for a gun forum I belong to - some I love the frogs posted up why we should love them, I put this together to remind him of their stellar support of world events.
Enjoy!
French Military History & Scorecard
- Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
- Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
-Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
- Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
- Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
- War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
-The Dutch War - Tied
-War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
-War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough , which they have loved every since.
- American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; " France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
- French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
- The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
- The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France 's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
- World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States . Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
-World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
- War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu
- Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
- War on Terrorism - France , keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France crumbles.
